DYSTOPIA–Dystopia College faculty will be required to write new “outcomes”–a list of desired student learning outcomes–for every course in its catalog, according to Dr. Numbah Karuncha, the college’s director of assessment assessment. Despite the administrative mandate, in keeping with Dystopia’s emphasis on “faculty ownership of the curriculum,” faculty will also be required to pretend that doing so was their own idea.
In keeping with the principles of “Bloom’s taxonomy,” as revised by various pedagogical experts, the outcomes must use all of the following verbs and no other verbs, with only one verb per outcome, with the number of outcomes being greater than three and less than nine: concoct, prognosticate, concretize, revolutionize, and combust.
Asked about the reasoning behind the mandate, Karuncha repeated the mantra, “It’s all about the students, all about the students, all about the students…” He was unable, however to concoct, prognosticate, concretize, revolutionize, or combust more specific reasons.
T. Allen Culpepper