DYSTOPIA–When the current remodeling project has been completed Dystopia College bookstore will no longer sell textbooks–or any other kind of books–according to manager Barry Goodbiz.
The bookstore will remain open and continue to use the name Campus Books, but it will primarily sell gourmet coffee and tea priced at around eight dollars a cup.
“Books just don’t sell anymore,” Goodbiz said. “Students are pretty smart, and they have caught on to the fact that it’s just not worth buying a book you’re not going to read anyway at full price and then selling it back unopened at the end of the semester for negative ten percent of cost. That’s throwing money away, basically.”
“About all you can sell to students and make a profit is coffee, beer, cigarettes, and weed,” he said, adding that “there are still some legal issues with most of those products, but not with overpriced coffee, so that’s where we decided to put our focus.”
The lack of interest in books is evident elsewhere on campus as well. The college’s library has already begun the process of eliminating its books stacks. A librarian who asked to remain anonymous said the books just take up valuable space and collect dust.
Several backpack-wearing Dystopia students, when questioned, admitted that the backpacks were empty. “It’s just kind of like a fashion-statement thing,” one student said, “plus, having a backpack just makes you feel more like a student, you know? But books cost too much, and they’re heavy. Why spend money on books when I can buy more sweet sneakers instead?”
T. Allen Culpepper