DYSTOPIA–As a cost-cutting measure, Dystopia College will begin merging some of its less attractive departments, President Overly Payeed-Admyn has announced.
The first of the mergers will combine the Department of English and Foreign Languages with the Department of Humanities and Social Sciences and the Department of Philosophy, Bartending, and Barista Studies. The new combined administrative unit will be known as the Department of Dead-End Liberal Studies.
Prof. Donna B. Askenme, current chair of English, will lead the new department. The current Humanities chair, Prof. Otto Fashon, will be retiring into oblivion at the end of this year, and the PBBS has only a stool, which is currently vacant.
An attempt was made to interview Prof. Askenme by phone, but the interview had to be terminated when she begin ranting incoherently as if heavily intoxicated.
T. Allen Culpepper