Convocation Speaker Announced

DYSTOPIA–Rudyard “Red” Neckerson, author of Git ’em In, Git ‘er Done, Git ’em Out: The Low Road to Higher Graduation Rates, will be the keynote speaker for this year’s Dystopia College faculty convocation, Provost Eddina Field announced today.

Neckerson’s presentation, “Minimizing College, Maximizing Graduates,” will be delivered at the annual mandatory faculty gathering, scheduled this year for Thursday, Aug. 25, in the college’s Whit A. Hellhole Auditorium, Field said.

Neckerson’s academic career got off to a rough start when he flunked out of his graduate program in political science at Unknown Regional University, but then he “got it together” and managed to complete a degree in lower primate education at URU,  afterward becoming a fixture of academic administration at various institutions in Mississippi and Oklahoma, states consistently ranked at the bottom the list in regard to education quality.

“Red is an expert on getting students through college quickly enough that they don’t pick up any dangerous ideas along the way, and he’s an incredibly inspiring speaker,” Field said. “We are lucky to have him speak to us here at Dystopia.”

Any faculty members who want to read his book in advance should be able to find cheap remaindered copies in the bargain bins of obscure bookstores, she added–“or online, you can get anything online these days, I just got a new fake Louis Vuitton handbag myself.”

Copyright 2016

T. Allen Culpepper

 

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