DYSTOPIA–Dystopia College campus police responded to a call concerning a possible jumper on the roof of the Nash T. Pondskum Natural Science Complex around 2 a.m. Wednesday, according to Capt. Cranky Lawless.
The officers discovered a white male student seated on the roof of the building but ascertained that he was not intending to jump and did not appear to be in immediate danger, according to Lawless.
When questioned about his presence on the roof and whether he was considering a suicide jump, the student allegedly responded, “Oh, no way, dude, I’m just enjoying the night, you know, hanging and smoking some weed.”
The student, who was taken into custody and charged with possession of a controlled substance, made no attempt to resist the officers, Lawless said. In fact, “he was pretty mellow about the whole thing, actually.”
The student, who was unable to locate his ID card or remember his name at the time of his arrest, was later identified as 21-year-old junior Stone D. Ongress, whose major , like so many things in his life, is undecided.
T. Allen Culpepper