DYSTOPIA–Dystopia College sophomore Joey DiMarco has filed a complaint claiming that the college is not taking his allegations of rape seriously because he is a gay male, and because his attackers were aliens.
DiMarco, who has now retained the legal services of local law firm Wrangle Twyst and DeNigh, originally reported to Dystopia campus police on the morning of February 27 that he had been abducted the previous evening by aliens who sexually assaulted him in the unkept shrubbery behind the college’s Dusty Booker Library.
Several members of the college community subsequently contacted campus police to say that they had witnessed DiMarco in the vicinity of the library on the evening in question, acting a bit “out of it,” or, as one student put it, “like he was hella tripping.”
DiMarco and his attorney, Isaiah DeNigh, have insisted that DiMarco was not under the influence of hallucinogens at the time of the alleged assault, and that he he was, the aliens drugged him.
Both Capt. Cranky Lawless of Dystopia’s campus police and Fgn Gocha Na, the college’s legal counsel insist that DiMarco’s allegations are in fact being taken seriously and that the investigation is ongoing, though few leads have surfaced. Lawless said that the lack of witnesses and the apparent invisibility of alien semen have made the investigation a particularly difficult one.
Na said that the Dystopian administration is firmly committed to the college’s anti-discrimination policy and that DiMarco’s sex, gender, and sexual orientation are irrelevant to the case. “The alien issue,” she conceded, “is a bit more complicated.” Although DiMarco has described the alleged assailants in great detail, the police have been unable for find anyone matching his descriptions.
In his complaint, DiMarco states that he considers the lack of progress in the case an indication that the college is not actively pursuing its investigation of the attack against him, and he is convinced that their lack of diligence results from his gender.
“If it had been a girl that got assaulted, they’d be all over this,” DiMarco said. “The cops would have found that spacecraft ASAP and kicked some alien ass.” But because he’s a gay male, “they just don’t care that some fag got raped by aliens.”
In the meantime, campus police are asking all members of the Dystopia College community to stay alert and report any alien sightings immediately.
T. Allen Culpepper