DC Police Blotter: Suspicious Activity

DYSTOPIA–At around 10 a.m. Monday, Dystopia College campus police responded to student reports of someone scaling the rear wall of Hopeless Hall, the college’s main administration building, and attempting to enter a third-storey window, according to police spokesperson Capt. Cranky Lawless.

The perpetrator, however, turned out to be Dystopia President Overly Payeed-Admyn, who said he was trying to sneak into his own office without being seen by history professor and union organizer B. K. Tracker.

“That lunatic has been lurking in the corridors for a week trying to catch me for a meeting, and I just can’t cope with his bullshit right now,” Payeed allegedly told the responding officers.

No charges were filed, but there’s a rumor going around that the officers had the campus police dispatcher alert Tracker to Payeed’s whereabouts.


Copyright 2016

T. Allen Culpepper


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