Mishaps Result in Minor Injuries to Adjunct Instructors

DYSTOPIA–Dystopia College officials today confirmed the recent occurrence of various minor mishaps involving adjunct instructors.

Most of the mishaps have involved hallway collisions and automobile/pedestrian “bumps, scrapes, and near-misses,” according to Capt. Cranky Lawless of Dystopia’s campus police.

He said there have been a number of incidents in which a student, a full-time faculty member, or a college staff member has collided with an adjunct, and one case in which a mid-level administrator inadvertently slammed a door on one of the college’s part-time faculty members.

More serious, Lawless said, are a couple of incidents in which adjuncts have had a “brush” with a moving vehicle.

In every single case, he added, the person who collided with the adjunct has said that he or she simply did not see the part-timer.

Dystopia Albatross starting quarterback, Troyan Fubaa, a sophomore business major, accidentally knocked down marketing adjunct Addie Sales in a corridor of the college’s Baad Business Center last week.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry about that”  Fubaa said, adding that the loves Sales, who is one of his favorite instructors.  He said he has felt terrible ever since the incident occurred when he was running down the corridor to avoid being late for his economics class.

“I totally did not see her,” Fubaa said. “I was just like there wasn’t nobody there and then, bam, there I was having to help Ms. Sales get up off the floor.”

Sales, who suffered only a few bruises and “a bit of soreness” as a result of the collision and fall, says she actually feels bad for Fubaa.  She said the collision was obviously an accident, and Fubaa was “so embarrassed and apologetic.”

In an effort to circumvent future corridor collisions, Sales, who has traditionally “worn a lot of black and gray,” said she has begun wearing bright fluorescent colors in an effort to make her easier to see.

The most recent automobile/pedestrian incident occurred in the crosswalk in front of Hopeless Hall, the college’s main administration building.  Adjunct Will Bardly, who teaches English composition, was in the crosswalk when he was struck by a black 2015 Jaguar driven by student Samantha Sabrina Eastwick, according to Lawless.

The cause of the collision is still under investigation, Lawless said, but Eastwick’s view of the crosswalk could have been partially obstructed by the heavy equipment currently in front of Hopeless because of site preparation for construction of the college’s new circular driveway.

“I totally did not see him (Bardly),” Eastwick said, adding that although her car has tinted windows and she was wearing dark glasses and texting a friend about the time and location of a coven meeting they were both planning to attend later that evening, she is “always a very careful, very observant” driver.  “It was just like there was no one there, and then, bam, I hit a bump and the bump was Mr. Bardly!”

Bardly, who said he was “just shaken up more than anything else”  was transported to Dystopia General Hospital, where he was treated for minor injuries and released.

Fortunately for Bardly, Lawless said, Eastwick was just exiting a college parking lot and thus driving at a low rate of speed.

Bardly said he initially felt angry at Eastwick for what he assumed was careless driving, but when he got home and looked in the mirror, he was surprised to discover that he didn’t see himself either.  “Apparently, I’m just really, really hard to see.”

Dystopia President Overly Payeed-Admyn said the mishaps and resulting injuries to the college’s part-time instructors are “certainly regrettable” but said it is hard to blame those who have collided with adjuncts because the part-timers are “just damn near invisible.”

Student Joey DiMarco said that “as bad as it sounds,” he thinks Payeed “kind of has a point.”  “I mean,  I took a class with Mr. Bardly my first semester here, and a lot of times class would be halfway over before I even noticed him in the classroom.”


Copyright 2016

T. Allen Culpepper





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