DYSTOPIA–Police in riot gear with assault rifles stormed Dystopia College’s Dusty Booker Library Tuesday afternoon after receiving a report of possible terrorist activity, but the suspect was innocent and “the whole thing was just a misunderstanding,” according to a Dystopia campus police spokesperson.
Capt. Cranky Lawless said that campus police, along with “about a dozen” assisting officers from other cooperating law enforcement agencies rushed to the library after receiving the call at approximately 2:47 p.m. He said the caller, who identified herself as a librarian but did not give her name, said she had noticed “a Middle-Eastern-looking” student engaged in “really suspicious activity.”
Police confronted the suspected terrorist, who was sitting quietly in the library reading a book, but determined that there was no threat of terrorism.
The student, Abdullah Ibrahim Mohammed Hakim Badr-Asim “Bad-Ass” Al-Abad, said he was “just sitting there, minding my own business” and reading The Collected Works of His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
Al-Abad said he is “feeling a bit traumatized” as a result of the incident and “honestly can’t imagine” how he could have been mistaken for a terrorist. Al-Abad, who self-identifies on his Hkup profile as a “vegan, pacifist, skeptical Buddhist bottom,” said he is a fourth-generation American named for a distant ancestor because his “unreligious” parents “just liked the name.”
Of mixed (“I mean really mixed–I don’t even know what all’s in there”) ethnicity, he conceded he might possibly have “some vaguely Middle Eastern features,” but that his purple-streaked platinum hair and green eyes, along with his attire of Sufjan Stevens T-shirt and joggers, should have made it clear that he is “just a regular American student.” And his choice of reading material “isn’t exactly terrorist material.”
The librarian who placed the call to police agreed to comment only if her identify was kept anonymous. She said she is “really sorry” that she erroneously suspected Al-Abad of terrorist activity and has apologized to him personally, but that she was “genuinely alarmed” by his unusual activity.
“I mean, there he was in the library, sitting quietly without headphones or earbuds or anything, and actually reading a book,” she said, adding that such a scenario rarely occurs at Dystopia. “In fact,” she said, “I don’t even remember the last time I saw a Dystopia student reading a book. That’s just not something that students do here.”
Dystopia student Samantha Sabrina Eastwick, who is enrolled in a chemistry class with Al-Abad, said he is, of all the people she knows, “probably the least likely one” to engage in terrorism. Student Joey diMarco, who took a floral-design class with Al-Abad and dated him briefly before “realizing we had too much in common,” said Al-Abad “would never even think of hurting anyone,” adding that “the dude even felt bad about having to cut flowers” for the floral-design class.
Lawless said he too regrets that police mistakenly confronted the innocent student but said police were “just acting on the information we had at the time” and “it’s better to be proactive than to have a bunch of corpses to dispose of.”
T. Allen Culpepper