DC Police Blotter: Alleged Witchcraft Practitioners Vanish

DYSTOPIA–Dystopia College campus police responded just before midnight to calls about a group of black-clad figures “casting spells” and “doing witchy shit” in Brown Park, adjacent to the campus, according to police spokesperson Capt. Cranky Lawless.

As the responding officers approached the scene, however, the alleged witches suddenly vanished, according to the officers. No evidence of any activity, illegal or otherwise, was found at the scene.

Lawless said his “personal, unofficial” opinion is that working triple shifts because of the staffing shortage resulting from the college’s budgetary shortfalls “might be starting to get to some of our officers a little bit.”

Copyright 2016

T. Allen Culpepper


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