DC Police Blotter: Pyromania

DYSTOPIA–Around 3 p.m. today, Dystopia College campus police responded to reports of an unusual odor coming from a chemistry lab.

Police spokesperson  Capt. Cranky Lawless said callers reported “a funny smell” coming from the Pearl E. even der Laadtuhd Chemistry Laboratory in the Nash T. Pondscum Science Complex.

Upon entering the lab, responding officers discovered “a small chemical fire” under the supervision of lab assistants Arson Boomer and Cy-Anne Idol who said they decided to “start a pretty little fire just to pass the time” after they grew bored with setting up the lab for students set to return next week.

“It was no big deal,” Lawless said, “just some bored work-study students playing with chemical fire.”

Copyright 2016

T. Allen Culpepper


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