DYSTOPIA–Although Dystopia College’s three-year-old Done Your Degree at Dystopia (DYDD) campaign has increased the college’s graduation rate–in response to pressure from state legislators and its accreditors–new research suggests that the competence of graduates has fallen in inverse proportion to the growth in the number of graduates.
Those are the preliminary findings of a study of local employers’ satisfaction with Dystopia graduates, according to the two sociologists, both affiliated with the college, who conducted the research.
Asst. Profs. of Sociology Pete-Paul Wacher and Tummany Lemmings devised the study in response to questions about whether the growing number of graduates indicated that–multiple choice: (a) more students are succeeding because of the college’s increased support services for them, (b) more students are graduating because the college’s standards have fallen, (c) the graduation rate and student competence are unrelated, or (d) none of the above.
Unfortunately, the “best” answer appears to be (b), according to Wacher and Lemmings, though they stress that the research results are “only preliminary” at this stage. They said they have gathered to data and analyzed apparent trends but have not yet “done that cryptic statistical-analysis shit” that sociologists do to ensure that they are taken seriously as “scientists.”
T. Allen Culpepper