Students Invited to Organizations Fair

DYSTOPIA–Dystopia College students, particularly incoming freshmen, are “strongly encouraged” to participate in the Student Organizations Fair scheduled for 10 to 2 next Thursday on the upper level of the N. Fernall Student Union, according to Student Activities Director John “Happy Jack” Plumber.

Plumber said both the number of participants in student activities and the number of active student organizations have declined in recent years, but it’s time for Dystopia students to “get off their lazy asses and fucking engage already,” he said, adding that he is not above employing “public shaming” as a recruitment strategy.

The organizations fair will have tables representing the various organizations, and there will be free pizza and soft drinks from local pizzeria Dystopian Pie, “where the pies are square.”

Plumber supplied the following list of student organizations, each with a brief description and the name of a contact person:

SOCIAL, RELIGIOUS, SPECIAL INTEREST

African Lesbian Satanic Witches for Peace (AFSWP)

For African Lesbian Satanic witches and their allies

Contact: Samantha Sabrina Eastwick

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ Dystopia (AtZ)

For asexual, bisexual, confused, dyke, exploring, fag, gay, hag, intersex, etc., ad infinitum, students and their allies.

Contact: Andro Jeenus

Dystopians for Jesus (DfJ)

Dystopia students spreading the love of Jesus Christ, with guns if necessary

Contact: Trig Ryder

Society for Peaceful Contemplation (SPC)

For students seeking quiet meditation, vaguely Buddhist, but open to everyone

Contact: Abdullah Ibrahim Mohammed Hakim Badr-Asim “Bad-Ass” Al-Abad

Gaming Alabatrosses (GA[Y])

For Dystopia students into gaming

Contact: A. (Andrea) Gioia Stich

Dystopia Pyros (DP) (Student Activities approval pending)

For Dystopia students who enjoy playing with fire

Contact: Arson Boomer or Cy-Anne Idol

Supporting Victims of Alien Sexual Assault (SVASA)

For victims and their supporters

Contact: Joey Dimarco

Albatrosses Kicking Ass (AKA)

Intramural soccer

Contact: Hedley “Header” Fielding

POLITICAL

Dystopian Student Government (DSG)

Contact: B. S. Chreminalle

ACADEMIC

Society of English Majors (SEM)

Contact: Rich Kidd

Student Psychology Association (SPA)

Contact: Si Kopat

Organization for STEM Students (OSTEMS)

Contact: Mats Sweazey

 

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