DYSTOPIA–Dystopia College will no longer deliver mail to campus offices or mailboxes, according to Information Technology Director Long Way Gho.
If an effort to prevent “a bunch people calling IT office,” Gho provided this list of Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: Can this decision be reconsidered? A: No way. It done deal.
Q: Won’t we miss important communications? A: Unlikely. It all junk anyway.
Q: What is the recommended way to handle mail under the new system? A: You go electronic. It save rainforest.
Q: But what if I really do receive important snail-mail? A: You go post office and rent box like everybody else.
Q: What about sending packages? A: You go down street to Box ‘n’ Send. You pay, they deal with problem.
Q: What about receiving packaged supplies, equipment, etc., for the college? You tell them they deliver or you use different vendor.
Q: What happened to the people who used to deliver our mail? A: They splash.
Q: Who made this decision? A. Make no difference. They splash too.
T. Allen Culpepper