DYSTOPIA–Dystopia College campus police responded around 3 p.m. Monday to calls about “loud wailing” coming from the faculty lounge in Shippman Hall, where English, foreign languages, and other humanities disciplines are housed.
According to police spokesperson Capt. Cranky Lawless, responding officers found a small group of English faculty signing their new contracts. The wailing “seemed justified,” so the officers “expressed their condolences and departed quietly, shaking their heads and closing the door quietly behind them.”
Lawless decline to name the faculty members involved. “No need to humiliate them further,” he said.
T. Allen Culpepper