Student Groups Sponsoring “Let’s All Calm Down” Vigil/Rally

DYSTOPIA–Recent campus events such as police apprehension of two alleged “extraterrestrials” attempting to enter a residence hall and an attack by two officers on a white student suspected of being black have left the Dystopia College community in “a hot mess of conflict,” according to the organizers of an upcoming vigil/rally.

The event, tentatively titled “Let’s All Just Calm the Fuck Down for a Minute,” is being co-sponsored by two student organizations, African Lesbian Satanic Witches for Peace and the Society for Peaceful Contemplation.

Samantha Sabrina Eastwick, one of the coven leaders for ALSWP, said her organization is “incredibly supportive” of sexual assault victims such as Joey DiMarco, who claims to have been assaulted by aliens and Lily (last name withheld) who was assaulted by another student and had to be rescued by the ALSWP. They are also “obviously” supportive of freshman Solo Wallflower, a white student who was attacked by police officers who suspected that he might be black.

Because of some people’s continuing prejudice against witches, however, she said her group is particularly sensitive to how people or even extra-terrestrials can be treated unfairly and sometimes falsely accused if the majority perceives them as “different.”

She said her group wants to make sure that everyone stays calm until all the facts are known about the alien incident and the police attack incident.

The rally she said, “is just a way to bring everyone together for peaceful dialogue.”

Abdullah Ibrahim Mohammed Hakim Badr-Asim “Bad Ass” Al-Abad, leader of the SPC, said he just wants everyone to “be quiet and imagine pretty flowers.”

Andro Jeenus, president of ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ Dystopia, said his group is not involved with organization of the event, but will be represented.  He said ABCetc. “basically supports anything non-discriminatory.”

Trig Ryder, president of Dystopia for Jesus, said his group “certainly supports peaceful dialogue, because, you know, Jesus would” but won’t participate in this particular event because “we just can’t be hanging out with witches.”

Eastwick and Badr-Asim said the exact details of the program haven’t been worked out, but it will be “at night, with candles and stuff” and will include a meditation period, “the usual alcohol and party drugs,” and a performance by local band the Flaming Faggots, of which both Eastwick (vocals, electric broomstick) and Jeenus (keyboards) are members. Other band members include Joey DiMarco (guitar), Arson Boomer (drums, percussion), and Si Kopat (bass).

Copyright 2016

T. Allen Culpepper



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