Choose Your Weapon at Campus Bookstore

DYSTOPIA–Although the recently evolved Dystopia College campus bookstore has no plans to resume selling books, which “just aren’t profitable,” it will begin selling guns and sex toys in September, according to manager Barry Goodbiz.

Market studies have shown that both of those items are “selling very well nationwide” and are popular with students.

During a special introductory sale planned for Sept. 5-9, the store will be offering a buy one/get one free deal on assault rifles (no background check required for customers with a valid Dystopia College student, faculty, or staff ID), and dildos in a variety of colors and styles will be available at half price.

“All sales are final on the dildos,though,” Goodbiz said, “so be sure to select the right size to begin with.”

He invites everyone to stop by to take a look at the merchandise and enjoy an eight-dollar cup of coffee or tea while they browse.


Copyright 2016

T. Allen Culpepper


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