DYSTOPIA–The goats that were seen roaming Dystopia College’s Hades Quadrangle this afternoon have been escorted off the campus and transported back to their pasture, according to campus police spokesperson Capt. Cranky Lawless.
He said no harm was done to the goats or to any members of the college community, and the damage to the “already pretty sad looking” lawn was relatively minor. He said no one is quite sure how the goats got to the campus quad from their pasture about a mile from campus.
Student Privi Ledger said she was sunning on the quadrangle with her boyfriend, Piet Pyper, an international student from the Netherlands, when the unexpected touch of a cold nose alerted her to the goats’ presence. Ledger said the goats were “really well behaved and kind of cute, actually.”
She said doesn’t have much experience with goats but has heard that they eat pretty much everything, so she was initially worried that they might eat her textbooks, but then she remembered that she doesn’t have any books this semester since the campus bookstore didn’t order any.
T. Allen Culpepper