DYSTOPIA–Some fans of the Dystopia College Albatrosses are complaining that the college’s mascot, Lucky the Albatross, as portrayed by student Andro Jeenus is “not ferocious enough,” according to Athletic Director B. G. Dik, who thinks the complaints are “overblown.”
At the Albatrosses most recent football game, a group of drunken fans taunted Jeenus by claiming that Lucky “dances like a fairy” and “can’t even scare children.”
Over a lunch of something in a bun with melted processed cheese food product on top at the Sik-Li/Grubb student dining hall, Jeenus said he likes likes both fairies and students, and he thinks it’s a “low blow to strike out at a grounded bird.” He said the complaints make he feel as if he has been “wounded by a careless sailor.”
He added that he would like to see the drunken fans look ferocious while executing complex dance moves in a “hot, airless ball of feathers with a ten-foot wingspan.”
Joey DiMarco, first alternate for the mascot role, concurred. “It’s harder than it looks,” he said, and people have no right to “shoot down” whoever is portraying Lucky.
Dik said that he has no plans to replace Jeenus because other fans have been supportive, and he really enjoys “watching that kid’s moves,” especially in the lockerroom after the game when he “strips off the suit and gets naked with the team.”
Dystopia President Overly Payeed-Admyn said he will not intervene because “Dik can handle it.”
T. Allen Culpepper