Dining Services Director Tells Students to “Shut Up and Eat Cake”

DYSTOPIA–Dystopia College students continue to complain about the food available on campus, typically referencing such terms as “slop,” “swill,” “crap,” and “shit,” all of which substances they say compare favorably to most of the dishes served in the Sik-Li/Grubb Dining Hall.

But Director of Dining Services Ghrys E. Spooner said, “those whiney, entitled little assholes just need to shut the hell up and get used to it,” because what they’re getting is “a long shot” better than what they deserve.

Student Privi Ledger said she complained to Spooner last week because “the bread they were using to make sandwiches was hard and moldy at the same time.”

According to Ledger, Spooner’s response was, “If you don’t like the bread, eat fucking cake–eat your fucking gluten-free  organic vegan cake!”

Copyright 2016

T. Allen Culpepper

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