DC Police Blotter: Counterfeit Poet Arrested

DYSTOPIA–Sophomore English major Marc Mywords has been arrested and charged with impersonating a poet after his “performance” at the Open-Mic Mondays event held at the N. Fernall Student Union, according to campus police spokesperson Capt. Cranky Lawless.

Lawless, who had “the grave misfortune” of hearing some of Mywords’s “poetry,” said he had no choice but to make the arrest himself on the spot “for the safety and protection of the whole campus community.”

Mywords, out on bond, defended his performance, which consisted of screaming obscenities while chugging tequila and removing his clothing, saying it was “fucking art, man.”

“If it was art,” Lawless said privately, ” he was definitely fucking it.”

Copyright 2016

T. Allen Culpepper

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