Introverts File Suit Claiming “Persecution”

DYSTOPIA–A group of Dystopia College students has filed a class-action lawsuit against the college, claiming that it “discriminates against and unfairly persecutes introverts.”

The college’s legal counsel, Fgn Gocha Na, acknowledged that the college has received notification of the legal action, but said she cannot comment at this point because she is “still reviewing the relevant documents.”

N. Anne Sutz, the attorney for the plaintiffs, said that her clients, who wish to remain silent, anonymous, solitary, withdrawn, and undisturbed,  believe that routine classroom procedures at the college “unfairly target” them.

Sutz said that the students she represents allege that Dystopia professors have “looked at them, spoken to them, and, in extreme cases, actually called on them in class.” She said one student reported “severe trauma” after a professor pointedly called him by name and asked him a question, and another student suffered a panic attack and had to be hospitalized after suspecting that a professor might have been look in her direction during a class meeting.

“That kind of behavior on the part of professors is clearly unprofessional and discriminatory,” Sutz said, and “totally unacceptable” for an institution that claims to offer a “welcoming and nurturing” educational environment.

Dystopia Provost Eddina Field said she regrets that “any student has felt uncomfortable,” but noted that the college has provided mental-health services, arranged for service animals, and made numbers other attempts to accommodate students who might feel anxious in educational environments.  Beyond that, she said she is “awaiting the advice of the college’s legal counsel” before commenting on the pending lawsuit.

Intermittenly employed, almost tenured Asst. Prof. of Psychology Sigourney Froyt, who happened to be on the job today and has “a modest reputation” for her work in student psychology, said it is important to balance the need to provide a “comfort zone” for students and the need to encourage “classroom engagement,” but she declined an interview, stating that she was feeling “particularly suicidal” today and need to settled in with a cup of tea and a warm gun.

Copyright 2016

T. Allen Culpepper





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