DYSTOPIA–A marketing research firm hired to research strategies for “re-branding” Dystopia College has completed the first phase of its investigation and reached the tentative conclusion that the most successful marketing campaign would “focus on the college’s accessibility and downplay its academic reputation and crumbling infrastructure,” according to the college’s marketing director, Celine Snakeoyle.
She said the data gathered so far from faculty, students, staff, administrators, and the local community suggest that the college is seen as an open-door institution with virtually non-existent academic standards that anyone can get into. That makes it particularly attractive to students desperate to get into “any college, anywhere” as a last resort, she said. Its academic reputation, however, “could certainly discourage anyone from other options from enrolling here,” and the decrepit facilities are “unlikely to dazzle” prospective students.
Snakeoyle said the marketing research firm Falsad, Lysand, Hardselle is conducting the study and will be in charge of the re-branding once it has fully analyzed the data and devised a new marketing plan.
T. Allen Culpepper