DYSTOPIA–The firestorm of furious debate that shook Dystopia College last week after a student posted a comment about the college’s “rape culture” on the Student Government Association’s Facebook page stemmed from miscommunication according to the student.
A heated debate ensued after sophomore Privi Ledger posted a comment stating that the college community is different from “the real world” in that it “has a rape culture.” Ledger said that after posting the comment, she “went off the grid” for a couple of days to catch up on homework and “didn’t even realize what was going on” until she turned her phone back on and found it “flooded with texts” from “just about everybody.”
She said she didn’t remember posting anything especially controversial and “surprised to say the least” when she went back and read her comment. She said the reference to rape was “a miscommunication, just one of those auto-correct disasters,” and she meant something altogether different. She said what she intended to say was “warped culture,” in the sense of “you know, crazy or weird.”
After learning of the miscommunication, Asst. Profs. Sylvia Wright-Sacktivist, B. K. Tracker, Staige Fryte, Alessandra Bellacosa, Trub L. Kyser, Maureen “Mo-Mo” Motion, Ashton Gunner, Jesus H. “Cris” Cristo, Viola Brassy-Bassoon, and Tummany Lemmings, as well as Adjunct Asst. Prof. Des Peratphurjhob, all conceded that they might have overreacted and jumped into the fray before checking their facts.
Student Joey DiMarco, however, believes that Ledger was “coerced” by college administrators to make up “that auto-correct story” as part of a “cover-up conspiracy.” DiMarco, who claims to have been sexually assaulted by aliens behind the Dusty Booker Library, said he was “raped, damn it, not fucking warped.”
College President Overly Payeed-Admyn was not immediately available for comment on the Facebook posting, the ensuring controversy, the “auto-correct story,” or the conspiracy. An administrative assistant said Payeed was “out in the community doing some damage control,” adding that it would “probably take a while.”
T. Allen Culpepper