DYSTOPIA–The goat herd that had previously wandered off a nearby farm and onto Dystopia College’s Hades Quadrangle repeated their adventure last week, but this time the college was “proactive” in resolving the problem, according to campus police spokesperson Capt. Cranky Lawless.
The college’s “action team” of advisors and other student-support personal leapt into the fray, and, in less than half an hour, had directed the goats into colored boxes, tagged their ears, and forced them into ruts. Now that they have been totally rutted, they will just have to settle their tuition payment plan and sign up for some online classes, and they will have a diploma and a medical or engineering job in a maximum of four semesters.
“It was just awesome to see the plan work so well, and so quickly,” said Senior Advisor Cat L. Driver.
T. Allen Culpepper