DYSTOPIA–Dystopia College has adopted a No “Teach,” No “Learn” policy, which bans use of the words “teach” and “learn” in institutional communication about educational practices, Verb Czar Obie Seth Witverben has proclaimed.
From this point forward, Witverven said, professors must “empower” their students to “actualize” knowledge. According to Vitverben, who got a C- in English 102 during his own student days, his “vast knowledge of meaningless ‘verbiage'” came first from Doom’s Taxidermy but has now been ameliorated via a new knowledge-actualization tool, Revenge through Obfuscatory Terminological Oppression by Wilt D. Fleur.
English faculty, as well as most speakers of actual English, are expected to protest, but Witverban said he will “transcend any conflictual scenarios” as usual.
T. Allen Culpepper