DC Sports Brief: AD Defends Albatrosses’ Embarrassing Record

DYSTOPIA–B. G. Dik, athletic director and head football coach for the the Dystopia College Albatrosses, said he is “thrilled” with the record of zero wins and three losses that the Albatrosses have racked up so far this season, because their performance has been “so much better than last year.”

Even though “the scoreboard might show losses,” he said the Albatrosses have averaged only 7 turnovers per game this year, which is a marked improvement over last season’s 11. And although they have not yet one a game, “they did score once.”

“Besides,” he said, “this is college football.  It’s not about whether we win or lose; it’s about whether I get to keep my job until I find a better one. And, let’s be serious, who could they get to come here if they fired me?”

Copyright 2016

T. Allen Culpepper

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