DC News Brief: Suspicious Activity in Humanities Building

DYSTOPIA–Dystopia College campus police are questioning an adjunct instructor and a student as a result of suspicious activity in C. N. K. Shipmann Hall, affectionately known as “the White Whale,” home to humanities and liberal arts.

Officers on routine patrol found Will Bardly, an adjunct assistant professor of English, and student Rich Kidd, a senior English major, in the office of B.K. Tracker, assistant professor of history and faculty union organizer.

Bardly and Kidd admitted to a clandestine romantic relationship, claimed they were only looking for a place to fuck around, and Tracker’s office happened to be unlocked, but because of their “apparent confusion,” officers suspect that there might be more to the story.

Sophomore Samantha Sabrina Eastwick, whom officers encountered in a corridor of the same building, said she was only looking for a book that she had misplaced.

Copyright 2016

T. Allen Culpepper

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