Faculty to Be Herded into Non-Meeting

DYSTOPIA–All Dystopia College faculty will be required to gather on campus Wednesday for a “voluntary assembly,” Provost Eddina Field has announced. Questioned about the difference between a “voluntary assembly” and a “mandatory meeting,” Field clarified that there is no difference.

Nevertheless, faculty members should not feel apprehensive, she said, because the assembly will not concern the philosophy and methodology of the assessment of assessment.  Instead, the assembly will be devoted primarily to an “interactive presentation” by the Department of Enraged Learning.

The program, titled “Arousing and Directing Anger in the Classroom and the Committee Room,” will focus on ways in which faculty members can develop an effective action play for creating and channeling anger to energize their students and colleagues. The presentation is part of the DEL’s new Managing and Directing Anger Successfully to Help Establish Learning and Leadership (MADASHELL) program.

Field said she has seen a preview of the presentation and  can guarantee that DEL’s “visiting with us about it on Wednesday will get everybody fully onboarded to MADASHELL.”  Faculty members who aren’t “totally pissed off” by the end of the day “just won’t be paying attention,” she added.

Copyright 2017

T. Allen Culpepper


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