DYSTOPIA–Asst. Prof. Spanish Jesus H. “Cris” Cristo has been appointed new director of the Department of Enraged Learning, Dystopia College Provost Eddina Field announced today. Field that that with his long history of assault charges and mandated anger-management programs, Cristo is the ideal candidate for the job.
“I can’t imagine anyone who understands rage better than Cris,” Field said.
Most recently, Cristo was charged with, but never convicted of, chasing a student across campus at gunpoint after a classroom disagreement. Prior to that incident, Cristo had participated in two residential anger-management programs at the “strong encouragement” of the college.
“That dude is a total fucking pyscho,” said freshman history major Lev N. Pahst, the student whom Cristo, holding a handgun, was seen chasing by a number of campus witnesses.
Cristo will continue teaching Spanish courses at the college, but will have a reduced course load in compensation for taking on the Enraged Learning position.
The college created the Department of Enraged Learning after college administrators read some dubious research suggesting that students learn best when they are pissed off.
T. Allen Culpepper