About Dystopia College

Dystopia College is an imaginary institution in an imaginary location, its features an amalgam of the the worst attributes of American colleges and universities.

It is all about satire and parody, and though I hope it makes some points about the state of higher education today, it is meant to be taken with a grain of salt and a healthy sense of humor.

Any resemblance of any of its characters to actual people is totally unintended.

I welcome suggestions for posts. Please send them to allenthepoet@gmail.com.


Institution type: four-year, public, baccalaureate, mostly residential

Enrollment: 7,000-8,000

Full-time faculty: 257

Location: Dystopia, a fictional college town of approximately 50,000 located in a fictional state somewhere between Death Valley and Great Dismal Swamp

Sports: Football, basketball, baseball, soccer, swimming

Mascot: Lucky the Albatross

Demographics: White (75%), African American (largest minority), Asian, Hispanic, Native American, International; male 45%, female 55%

Admission requirements: SAT or ACT scores, credit card

Admission standards: Not applicable

Most popular areas of study: Business, STEM, liberal arts, bartending and barista studies

Alma mater: “Dream the Dystopian Dream”

Fight song: “’Trosses, Take a Dive”

Extracurriculars: Marching band, orchestra, theatrical performance, various student organizations

Cost: Negotiable

Graduation rate: Not available

Student housing on campus: Yes

Student meals on campus: Debatable

President: Overly Payeed-Admyn

Provost: Eddina Field

Athletic director: B. G. Dik

Website: http://www.dystopia.edu